You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize