it hurts more in the daytime
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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