We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
