Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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