ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
