they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
