do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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