A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
