Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
