just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
