I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
