Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize