oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
