Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
