Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
