i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
