I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
