smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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