I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
