omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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