You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
