she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
