just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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