Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
