So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
