I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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