I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
