New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
