last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
