Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just gift wrapped bread.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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