I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
