So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
