i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
