The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Two words: nipple clamps
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