you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
