Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
