Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
