So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
