I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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