if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
