i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
