Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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