HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
