My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
