so explain again why im purple
no
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
