You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
