By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
