Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
