the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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