Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I looked at my own cervix.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
