I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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