There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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