Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
