I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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