A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
