Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
