My pussy is not your playground.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I supernannyed him into submission
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
