Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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