i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
