My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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