I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
