I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize