Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
