She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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