I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
