Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
