I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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