were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
