where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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