Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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