I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
