He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
