I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
