I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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