I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
