K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
