You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Houston, we have a blender
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
