At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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