So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
