God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize