This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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