This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
