I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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