Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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