between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
