I need to stop coming to work sober
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
