just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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