the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
