but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
