he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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