just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
