Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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