I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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