These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ketchup is God's man juice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
