I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
