It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
